How to instantly connect with anyone?

Posted On June 10, 2020

A summary of How to Instantly Connect with Anyone by Leil Lowndes 

As an extrovert, I find it relatively easy to talk to people, but I always find myself questioning how do I connect with them? Before the Circuit Breaker started, I managed to stumble upon this red book and decided to give it a read.

In this book, Lowndes shares some tricks to help you effortlessly connect with anyone, in any setting. It might be arduous to read through each example and some may be inapplicable in the Asian context so here are 22 tricks found to be interesting and probably you should try incorporating into your daily lives.

This book was a good read that I had to drop Lowndes a personal message on Linkedin!

Everyone is aware of emotional intelligence but emotional prediction is the key to any situation. Look at the C suite executives, what makes them stand apart from others? They are aware of the people around them, themselves and the situation. When you are able to understand what the person would do/ say to what you would be saying or how they would react, it allows you to orchestrate your next moves. 

1. Develop strong eye contact and use it appropriately 
2. Do a dress rehearsal before any event. Do not wear something new or you’re uncomfortable in. 
3. When introducing people, don’t say their position first. Instead say their name first followed by their role. Example : Meet Mary, my best friend and not Meet my best friend Mary. 
4. Get your friend to introduce you to his/her networks, while you do the same. Lowndes shares that when you hear about someone and their work, before meeting them, it piques your interests.  
5. Trick 4 helps you to find conversation starters based on what they are working on and researching about them. 
6. In discussions or meetings, don’t feel compelled to jump into the conversation first. Come on Slow and let your personality grow. << Well I can attest to this, before I started on this book, this is something I myself engage in. You build a sense of mystery especially when you keep a strong sense of eye contact and calmness. But finally, when you speak your comment would have much weight, especially if you bring a new perspective.>>
7. Three ways to demonstrate deliberation in a discussion
   • When you know the answer. <<when someone asks you for an answer, pause for 1-3 seconds before answering>>
   • When you don’t know the answer << if you can’t wing it, look at the questioner and say I’d like some time to think about it and change the topic>>
   • When you don’t want to answer << If you find a question rude, pause and calmly say “I don’t know how to answer that, XX.” But remember to keep a neutral expression and keep the eye contact.>>
8. Last impression is as important as the first impression! Don’t just leave, verbalise your delight and use their name. Example : I really enjoyed meeting you John. 
9. To get an old friend or acquaintance talking about her day, visualise details and ask questions. But use this appropriately!
10. When you are making a point, if you get interrupted, find another opportunity to tie your opinions with the current discussion. Don’t try to fit your opinion by using the same phrases and catching attention. Give a different preface to introduce your same point.
11. If you want to change topic, you echo the other party’s words and link them to yours. 
12. But never change a conversation topic if someone else is really finding it special!
13. If you’re entering a party alone, smile and never look lost in the crowd. 
14. If you forgot someone’s name halfway through the conversation, wait till the end. As you bid farewell, add in the sentence Once again my name is XXX. 90% of the time, the other party will reciprocate. 
15. Lowndes shares that signing in blue ink has 21% more effect than signing in black ink!
16. Now if you bump into someone that you want to escape from, don’t look rushed, don’t step back. Instead, stop and chat for 45 seconds and look at your watch and make your exit.
17. Be cautious when you use the term “ you have time to kill”, you can sound like a person who is boring and has nothing to do. 
18. Refrain from using the phrases : “Frankly” or “I’ll be honest with you”. These bring a question of suspicion. 
19. Stop using the word “like”. Kill it to sound professional. 
20. End your conversations with a “have a nice day”, and decimate it. Better still, find similar phrases. 
21. When writing professional emails, end it off by inserting their name. For example, Thanks so much for your help Sara. 
22. Connecting is the biggest investment one could invest into. 

That being said, I would love to hear your thoughts on these tricks! And if you have any suggested readings do comment and feel free to get in touch with me!